This article was written by Eric as guest blog! Enjoy the read!

A Nerd’s Phone Bill
written as a speech for school…

Twice a year my phone bill nearly doubles! Just around mid August and Early January. I would like to believe it’s because I’m such a cool person, and people like to keep up with me. Unfortunately, this isn’t the case.

90% of my calls during these months will follow this dialogue:

Friend that calls me once a year (FTCMOY)

FTCMOY: “hey dude! How are you!?”
Me: “I’m ok, ______ (insert nominal life crisis)
FTCMOY: “oh dude that sucks! Anyway, I was hoping you could help me with:
     a.) This new computer I got for Christmas
     b.) Cleaning up my computer before I head off to school
Me: “Um… sure. What’s goin on with it?”
FTCMOY: Well… I think:
     a. I got a virus
     b. It’s just running really slow
     c. I got hacked, I keep getting Viagra emails
Me: Oh, sounds pretty awesome, you should swing by sometime this week.
FTCMOY: sounds good bro, ill give you a call this week then!

I’m going to introduce a few ideas, which might make my life and other nerd’s lives a bit easier, come these issue intensive seasons.

     - The main reasons your PC isn’t running like a gazelle
     - How you end up with a virus
     - What you can install and what you can do to keep your PC in shape.

Remember when your PC was brand new? When applications would open at the snap of your fingers. When listening to music, chatting online, burning a CD, and writing an essay could all be done simultaneously.
Months down the road, you noticed the processing power of your new PC had slowly diminished. There are a few reasons for this:

I. Process running in the background

- when you have installed multiple programs, they all generally want to launch themselves just as windows boots. These programs can all be located at the bottom right of your monitor. These applications are hogging valuable system resources, that you could be utilizing.

- Here is what you can do: click start or press the windows key, use the search bar (vista) or click “Run” on the right side of your start menu (XP, 2000, ME, 98), then type “MSCONFIG” and hit the ENTER key located just above the shift key on a standard QWERTY keyboard. From here click the “Start up” tab.

- Read the names and locations of these processes carefully, most of them aren’t vital, but a couple might be. If you are unsure about a process, because the names are generally complex fragments of words, visit:&nbsp www.sysinfo.org/startuplist &nbsp From there, simply use the search for the NAME of the process, and the site will tell you (Y, N,U,X,?) to keep or remove the processes.

PLEASE NOTE: windows 98,2000,ME, and XP will need to keep two processes checked for your OS (operating system) to run correctly: "system.ini" and "win.ini"

II. Disk fragmentation

- When you install, AND uninstall applications files are spread out over your hard disk. When uninstalling, some files may be left behind, and when you install a program they generally install in one cluster, but can possibly explode all over the place… still functioning correctly of course.

Now imagine trying to find a place to put your new TV in your room that was just ravaged by a tornado… Your PC has the same issue with a fragmented hard disk. When you go to install something new (place the new TV in your room) your PC will place bits and pieces of the software in the small spaces available on the hard disk. Better explained by, taking your TV apart and placing it on floor area that is not already covered with something.

- Defragmenting your disk will reorganize these clusters of information and compact them to one section, which is ideally more organized as well. Sort of like piling all the old junk into one corner, making room for new junk.

The disk defragmentor application can be found here:
Start > Programs > Accessories > System Tools > Disk Defragmentation

III. Disk clean up

     - Removing junk from your hard disk drive is important. There is a nice little feature built in to windows that will help you remove: old installation files, temporary files, and internet random access junk.

     - This will not only speed up your PC, but also free up precious megabytes for Mp3s and better junk.

The Disk Cleanup application can be found here:
Start > Programs > Accessories > System Tools > Disk Cleanup

IV. Programs that actively monitor PC activity (Norton)

- Norton antivirus, Mcafee Protection, and Zone alarm are all applications that will voluntarily monitor activity on your PC. These programs are great for keeping harmful things out, but unfortunately have no regard for performance.

- These programs will constantly be checking for viruses and spyware on your computer. Even while you’re trying to work. It’s as if you had a house cleaner.. that was constantly vacuuming under your feet while you wanted to work on the PC.. This would get irritating quickly.

- I suggest you simply turn off the auto monitoring and auto scanning functionality of these applications. Maybe schedule a weekly scan, or even better Manually run these scans once a week! Make sure these programs aren’t doing their own thing..

After addressing a few of these, there should be a noticeable difference in your computers performance. Unless of course, your computer has a virus or spyware collection.
Viruses and spyware are pretty common on Microsoft platforms (i.e. windows users). For those of you using Mac, or linux.. you have nothing to worry about (your platform base is much more secure).


where you might pick up a virus or spyware.
Those of us running windows, let’s talk about Viruses and Spyware. Unlike getting the flu, it is easy to determine where a computer virus came from.

     - Opening emails from unknown senders and downloading the attached files
     - Visiting porno sites
     - Downloading illegal software, from the wrong sources of course.
     - Online gambling (notorious for spyware)

This small list covers the most common places you could find yourself a nice virus or spyware, but certainly not all of them.

What can you install to prevent infection?

     - INSTALL FIREFOX, I can’t stress this enough! Internet explorer has become a thing of the past.

     - Install a decent anti spyware, and run it once a week.
        E-Trust Pest Patrol (reasonably priced at wallmart)

     - Install a decent antivirus, consider running it once a month.
        AVG Ant-virus (free version is worth trying, real version is worth buying)
        I hear, but don’t quote me on this, the new Norton 360 is reasonable

     - Up your internet security settings
     - block pop-ups
     - clear cookies / cache daily
     - Quit opening those emails that claim to offer incredible prices on Viagra.
     - Disable browser add-ons such as toolbars

sort out visual clutter
Often when I am asked to clean up a PC, the first thing I do is clean up non essential and unorganized:
     - Icons on desktop
     - Icons in start menu

When your desktop is full of crap.. your PC feels like its carrying extra baggage, and moving sluggish.

     - Keep things in folders! Preferably sort those folders with sub folders!
     - Delete icons you haven’t clicked in over a month, they aren’t gone forever.. they will still be in your programs list via the start menu.

When you click start then proceed to programs, do you have 3 pages (or) endless amounts of scrolling to find the one application you want?

     - Your start menu works similar to your desktop, everything found in the start menu can be placed in folders!
       EXAMPLE: Microsoft likes to spread itself out, take all of your Microsoft office applications and put them in a folder titled Microsoft office
     - Windows will do the same thing.
     - By grouping applications in parent folders, you can reduce your 3 page list to 1 page or less.

Remeber this!
Instead of giving you my number, next time you’re in need of a computer clean up, just remember these few things:
     - Spring cleaning
     - Virus removal
     - Organization!
     - Program monitoring is an efficiency no-no!

Hope you enjoyed the read. This article is dedicated more towards people who do not know the basics of computer efficiency, so use these tips to your advantage!

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