Do you just ever feel like something amazing is going to happen, or maybe really confident about something? I have that feeling, I have a strong feeling something great is about to happen. So many ups and downs through life lately, so much drama and stress, it’s like something is bound to happen soon.

I haven’t hit up that hotel idea I had in mind lately, I haven’t really had any time to escape yet, that’s right, I have no time to get away? Sometimes I feel trapped, sometimes I feel like I can’t get away, almost like I am not allowed too. I have been constantly trying to focus on what needs to be done, sometimes focusing too much, basically not allowing me to get things done. I think I would like to consider myself “one” who can’t get things done if I feel scattered, almost like someone with mild OCD. My office gets dirty by the day, and I try to clean it, but it gets dirty instantly the next day. So I give up, the dirtier my office gets, the harder it is to work. Actually, I can’t work at all if my office is dirty, cause it drives me nuts! When I clean my office, I seriously take everything out of my office, and slowly bring things back in only if needed. This a repeated process every month. This is how I feel with my life, it gets messy, and messier by the day, and I try to clean it up… And it gets harder and harder everyday. Than suddenly, one day out of the month, I instantly straighten my act up, and totally fix everything (make 100 phone calls, clean my entire house, get things done, pay the bills, work on my site, etc…). I than feel so pure, so clean, so ready to tackle the next toughest obstacle in my way (my work, my companies, my life). But fucking stupid things build up again, and the process starts from the beginning once again. You know whats funny, and I just now realized this. This is how I was in school, I let the chores, the homework, the studying build up (because I was on the computer).

I don’t know what this is called, but whatever it is, I have it. Your probably asking, “What does he have?” I’ve seen this happen throughout my entire life, I pick something up (anything), instantly usually, maybe not instantly all the time… I learn it, get damn good at it, and good enough to get paid for it. A few examples, skateboarding, I got damn good at skateboarding, than quit. I got damn good at magic tricks, freaked people out, literally, and than quit. I got pretty good at designing and programming, and than pretty much stopped. I got pretty good at drifting (going sideways in cars), I could pretty much control myself going sideways, and than quit. I got good at video/flash editing back in the days, than stopped. Here I am now with photography, I better not fucking quit, lol. Check out this new photo, lighting experimentations…

Now your probably thinking, the beginning of the post sounded like “I felt it,” and now I am just reminiscing the past once again. It really just seems to me things are slowly starting to change, like I have found what I love to do, and now I feel like I know what is going to happen and what I am going to be doing forever. I have constant urges and desires running through my head everyday telling me to get healthier, work out, work, do this, do that, etc… I haven’t started yet, but “I feel it.” Which is great, cause it feels real. Maybe it feels real cause I am constantly thinking it, wanting it, desiring it, but this time, it feels good. Maybe I am getting this feeling cause I have been at my highest, and I’m not there anymore.

Sometimes I want to study and go get my GED, sometimes I want to apply for college courses to better my education, and get a degree under my belt. Everyone tells me I should because it’s good to have “just in case.” But I seem to keep putting that aside, and not accepting “just in case.” I won’t let myself end up at “just in case.” I will get to my highest point, I will succeed, I will feel great about myself, and I will grow. You know why? I have confidence, I feel it, I want it, and I am motivated easily. I wish the best for everyone reading this, and hope you too feel the same way I feel. I know everyone wants to be successful, so do it, and don’t ever lose sight of what you want.

Currently looping: Bone Thugs N Harmony - I Tried feat Akon & Red Jumpsuit - Your Guardian Angel
Good Reads: AskMen.com — Check out the Power & Money articles, def worth the read!

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